One of the scariest "dating experiences" I've had, and I never even met the kid...
Yes, I was naive...
Yes, I was naive...
Him: 8/22/2011 3:00pm: I just joined. I really don’t know if what I should expect or who I should try to pick-up.
Me: 8/23 7:30am: my advice is to just be yourself, "cast a lot of lines," meet people in person fairly quickly to see if there is chemistry, and be prepared to meet 9 "no's" for each "yes." Also, I get people often telling me that POF indicated that I want to meet them when I didn't initiate it - not that I'm always opposed to talking to them, but its sometimes awkward because they think I'm "all about it" and really I'm just seeing their profile for the first time... Hope it’s a fun experience for you!
Him: 8/23 7:30am: Thank you for sending me a reply. Now I’m wondering what I need to do to get a date with you. Do I just need to ask you out? Okay, would you like to go out on a date sometime? What else?
Him: 8/23 9:00am: Sending you this teddy bear. Please go on a date with me.
Me: 8/23 10:20am: I'd love to have dinner with you sometime - thanks for the teddy bear :-) I could do this Friday, how about Walter's in Portland?
Him: 8/23 11:00am: Yeah, Friday would work. I am in shock that this may happen with you. I have never met anybody over the internet. One thing is that I work on Friday nights late so I would have to go my separate way to work at 9PM that night. I do have Thursday off though. Another thing is that I know one of the chefs at Walter’s. I’ve been seeing good things about DiMillo’s lately, how about there? So either some other day like Thursday, or I would have to leave on Friday and go to work, which would be lame I know. But, it’s a job. I can ask for a change of work schedule to coordinate our days if it looks like you may be interested in dating. That would take a couple of weeks though.
Him: 8/23 12:00pm: Or if you really want to do a Friday date that would probably be more fun for me since I get paid on Friday and I am broke by Thursday. So, I will take every Thursday and Friday off from work for the next 2 months as soon as I can. I want to give this a chance. It will take a couple of weeks for this to happen. In the meantime maybe there is something else you want me to do. I will be the perfect man for you, give you whatever I have that you need. But, I have to work too. I am also going to be taking a couple classes at SMCC soon. You know, since I have a bachelor’s, I wonder if I could be a CPA if I took a few more credits, and if these classes might count. I don’t want to be an accountant though.
Him: 8/23 12:21pm: How about going to the art museum. It is free on Friday. And it might stimulate conversation more than dinner. You know, I fully intended to eat, and I can't talk with my mouth full. And, the museum closes early so I can leave for work without it being weird. If it is this Friday. Honestly, I would rather get dinner at a hotel restaurant, like the top of the eastland park hotel, but this Friday is just bad with my job. If it was just college I would blow it off but work does not allow "call-outs".
Me: 8/23 1:00pm: I get terrible reception on my phone at work - but I'll get back to you when I get home later...
Him: 8/23 1:20pm: I'm going to be honest right now young woman. I'm not terribly successful, even though I have a full-time job. I live with my family. And it really doesn't look like you are looking to date me exclusively anytime, based on your profile. Well, it would just be more normal for me perhaps if I had enough money to where I didn't mind going out and paying for dinner, and then giving myself the option of getting a room at the eastland park hotel if we were downtown, which I think is $110 a night right now. Or we could go for an earlier date at the maine mall, and I think there is a restaurant over there, there's a movie theatre which serves alcohol over by marshalls. And the best hotel over there right now would be the Windham at $95 a night.
I am not saying I need to get a hotel because I am going to get some or because I will need to get drunk. This is just how I picture a good date since I live where I live. It could cost a certain amount, and while I wait to get Fridays off from work in a couple weeks, I will save, to save for that option so I will not feel so rushed. Plus, having a date at the mall might allow us the option of shopping. And, believe it or not I have been single so long that I would pay to buy you undergarments especially, just to talk about what the designs are all about. It's just one of those shopping experiences that I have been deprived of as a single guy. So I definitely don't consider the mall to be worse than the old port. There are also far fewer male jerks and drunks by the mall, which might be nice. Let me know.
Him: 8/23 1:57pm: Anyway, about my other message. I may have made some bad conclusions there, I really don't know what you are looking for. And I really am not trying to let my clothing fetish get in the way of a perfectly normal date. So, like I was saying, if you are not serious, I will manage every once in a while and pay for everything like a gentleman. But if you are serious, you may have seen on here that I have the lowest earnings level. Well, you are an accountant, right, so if you developed feelings for me perhaps there are ways to manage my meager money that I don't even know about.
I also am planning to start doing work from home while I do my laundry, a bit complex on that. That will allow me to earn more money easily, but as you can probably tell, that is only something that I am thinking about right now. I think in a big way I was focusing on the undergarments just because I was being too "penny-wise". I would much rather buy you that and shoes, or whatever, and a dress and/or whatever. I think I was just being cheap there more than anything. I have money problems but I am hard-working, and I care.
Him: 8/23 2:37pm: You seem like you'd be interested to know about this if we were really on a date as well, that I have a tattoo on either one of my arms that were done recently, that I am embarrassed about and I am trying to have the tattoos removed in the long-term. I just bought some tattoo removing cream on eBay that I haven't been using like I should, because it is such a slow process and frustrating, etc. And I am expecting this tattoo removing "laser" device from eBay any day now. Well, you are probably not into dating a man who doesn't love his own body the way it is, and it is a work in progress. So, for instance, I would love on a pretty low budget to take you to the mall area and buy a swimsuit for you and a summer dress and some sandals. Then go to the Windham, get a room, and we can then freely use their pool and hot tub, or eat or drink at their restaurant, or go hang out in the hotel room if I should be so lucky. I just feel like I am always uncomfortable about my tattoos, so I wear long-sleeves, but if we went swimming in a nice hotel's pool, it would be an easy way for you to size me up, and I wouldn't have to think about a lot of people looking at my tattoos because there wouldn't be a lot of people there. Alright, let me know, I am sure that tattoos may well be a problem, especially unwanted ones.
Him: 8/23 8:16pm: So, I probably convinced you not to have a date with me with too much writing or too much honesty. If it's not like that and you are a bit apprehensive, maybe you could tell me more about your body works practice. Where is that located? Are there any details? At any rate, I don't have time to talk right now. I don't mind meeting you someday when I'm not working on Exchange St., pretty much anywhere other than Walter's though. I am hoping that you will look past any weird stuff that may have been said and realize that I really need a date. :)
Me: First of all, you seem like a really nice guy, but I have to tell you that I think you are really over-thinking this - you may very well meet me and realize that you aren't into me after all - it's a lot of pressure for me going to meet someone for the first time knowing that they've got an image of me in their head that I might not live up to...
In the future, less can be more - Up your confidence level, because there is nothing sexier in this game of love than confidence. Hold back a little on / before the first date. Don't mention a hotel room, unless you want a girl that is sleeping with every guy she meets on night #1 (which is def not me) - the amount of money you make should not matter to her, if you want a girl to like you for you and not just what she can get out of you. I prefer to pay for myself on a first date, to be honest, and really don't care how much money a guy has as long as he can take care of himself (I'm no one's sugar mama). Keep your insecurities close to the vest at first, and know that once you meet someone they may not be into it (or YOU may not be into it) and that's ok - not everyone is going to be attracted to everyone else. I've had many awkward first dates, some of them where I was into them but they weren't into me, and its fine - on to the next one...
Cast your net wide by sending alot of messages on here - short, sweet and to the point ("You're cute, want to get coffee sometime?" etc.) and hold back until you actually meet someone - you never know if someone is going to be worth your time until you meet them. Also, most women will run from the idea of being in a bathing suit on a first date - too much pressure... Keep a first date to something like coffee / dinner / walk in the park so that either of you can cut it short if need be without it being too awkward.
Best of luck on here! I'm sure you'll find someone great...
Me: (after my friend saying that she hopes his grandmother doesn’t find him hanging from the shower curtain the following morning): I think we should get coffee / dinner on Friday - I do want to meet you... I'm always interested in new friends, if that is all it ends up being, and can give you some pointers from my experience on here recently.
Him: 8/24 7:13am: Good. Let's get coffee or dinner on Friday. I do want to be friends too. I am not trying to mess things up. As far as what was being said about hotels, what I meant was that although I do not feel like it is a good idea to bring you back to my house, here's something that I could afford, maybe it was a bad idea. As far as me being interested, if you are as attractive and trustworthy as you seem to be on here, I definitely am interested. And I could also use a friend even if that is all there is, especially one who knows about internet dating. My expectations for a woman to date are very reasonable as well, and I would stay with a relationship even if I feel it is not "true love" because I am tired of being single, and without a woman. There is no point at which I would stop dating a woman or be rude just for sex. I've just been single for so long that I've become very much a push-over, and would never spend time with a woman just for sex. That would make me very nervous as well, unless we were dating, because that sounds like something illegal and I have a dream of becoming a grade-school teacher. So, I have to stay away from that kind of stuff for my own future. By the way, my name is Johnny. Here's a number where I can be reached on Friday if you want to call me. It is unlisted, just a prepaid phone, okay: 207-XXX-XXXX
Him: 8/24 9:00am: Okay, well since this does sound pretty complicated and I am just starting school, I will go to Walmart and buy their prepaid internet phone which is like $50 a month, and use that as my primary phone. That is still much cheaper than most internet phones. I will use it for work and school too. And I will just cancel if it doesn’t work out next month. So, since it looks like you don’t need me to pick you up, I will just take my motorbike. If you see it you will notice that it is has 1 seat, so no passenger. Obviously I would have gotten a motorcycle if I thought I would ever have a date. This is much lighter though. So I will just keep it real and take my scooter, and buy a prepaid internet phone when I get paid first thing Friday at Walmart, get an unlimited contract and give you my new number if you want it. I’m sure it will be unlisted, so really not a problem. That’s the type that I need for finding work on craigslist.com and elsewhere. Never have found a date through there.
Him: 8/24 9:23am Here's what I also don't understand. What does looking for friends on here mean? And you agreed to have a date with me right? It didn't sound like the way I would imagine talking to a friend. Anyway, I'll just go do my business on Friday on my scooter with my new phone hopefully, and my other prepaid phone that you have the number for I guess, and I'll look on the internet for you messaging me on plentyoffish.com... I figure that is the best way for you to contact me, and you might not want to make plans far in advance. I appreciate that you were offering to tell me how to pick-up women and offering to give me a massage I think, how does that work... Hey, maybe that is how I need to be told. But, really, I am looking for a date.
Him: 8/24 10:00am: I think I will drive to buy a new Virgin Mobile BlackBerry 8530 prepaid cell phone at Walmart in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, because that has WiFi. It is only $99 for the phone, and I think any amount for minutes. So good deal?
Him: 8/24 10:15am: Just researching your line of work to see if I could find you online. I could not. I did not tell you that I can make working websites. If this works out I could make you a website if you need one. It would be a .com, and it would cost me $11 a month. But, that could just be my way of supporting what it is that you do.
Him: 8/24 11:10am: Just on this website: http://www.bluemangofoods.com/ I could make a website better than that one for you. It would just take me some time. If we were really close friends. I haven’t done it before but I know I could. Just looking at your relationship needs. I honestly just don’t have the energy or resources to look for another girlfriend right now. I want to be clear on that. I am really pushing myself for this date. I am really busy with other stuff right now too. I will have to manage my time to get a better phone with good internet to try.
Him: 8/24 12:31pm: Anyway blue mangos, what is your real first name? I am not looking for sex either. I am just looking for a kiss, to turn a frog into a prince. And maybe if I’m lucky I can turn myself into a king then, so I could one day be worthy of something such as sexuality, which you explained was important in what you are seeking. Really though, I am just looking for a kiss and I would rent 10 hotel rooms for just that, and only after $1,000 of hotels would I ask myself why I have not won a kiss. Really, if it was too much I’m sorry, but it is not like I was looking for “sex”. Just I guess to be left alone so I could get some rest, and be ready to go back to work another day with no sex. I keep it in historical perspective, you know. When have men just freely gotten sex? I think never.
Him: 8/25 3:00am: Well, this looks like a great pick-up line. I hope it works on you… You're cute, want to get coffee sometime? I need to get some sleep. When I wake up I believe I may go get that prepaid blackberry at Walmart in Portsmouth. My cell phone won't open plentyoffish.
Me: 8/25 8:00am: I'm going to be honest - all of your message have really freaked me out... I don't think we should meet up tomorrow - I'm not looking for anything serious, and I'm seeing other people, and you are looking for a "date." Keep trying with other girls on here, but not sooooooooo hard - less is more if you don't want to scare them away. Try not to put so much pressure on yourself, or you are setting yourself up for failure and disappointment. Many are looking for casual dating, and agreeing to a date may not lead to anything - having expectations up front (and especially communicating them) is a recipe for failure...
best of luck
Him: 8/25 9:12am: You know what? On its own, I really have no problem with you seeing other people. I figured you were. But, realistically, what I was picturing would involve you inviting me over, so that might not work.
There are a couple of things which are quite possible that freak me out about internet stuff, the possibility that the woman is going to offer sex for money, and is really working for the police to entrap guys who seek out “prostitutes”. Also, the possibility that the girl is really working for the website to drum up business.
So, I just take this as whatever since I never even met you. I think I need to focus on more straight forward stuff than picking-up women on here. You know what fine, it's not like this was making me money. Even if I was to get laid I can't spend that. I will go back through your messages again and look for jewels that you gave me, and/or use a new approach of my own to find a woman on here sometime. But right now, I'm very busy, and that is why I was focused on the date with you, and not trying to pick-up another girl until we met. Anyway, I would rather find a girl who isn't a total slut so I am comfortable eating her out, which it sounds like could be a problem for me, because it would be a real trust issue. And hey, that is one type of sex which won't make any babies, and I can't afford a baby right now.
Me: 8/25 10:12am: I don't think you're a bad guy, and I wish you the best of luck... I'm just feeling too much pressure to be something I'm not perhaps. I'm not a slut, I don't have sex - just to be clear on that. the ladies you meet on here will often be completely normal, and not hookers - you won't know until you meet them in person.
Him: 8/25 12:38pm: Okay, this is a clear difference. I am really only looking for sex. Free sex. With a woman I can trust. Just keep my number and give me a call if you are looking for sex. I am way too horny right now to just hang out with a woman who is good looking. I don't masturbate and I don't have a girlfriend. So, I am just horny all the time, and it would be hard to be casual. I understand, but I may well be changing my profile to something else on here soon, and you should just call me if you are looking for sex. Any less than that and I cannot handle it if you are seeing other guys.
Me: 8/25 7:00pm: I'm sure you'll find what you are looking for - best of luck...
Him: 8/26/2011 12:03 am: So, that's it? You never want to meet? Like, you don't have any female friends who are single, say with different standards who might be compatible? Anyway, I've got a lot to do other than this internet dating stuff. So, at least now I've got a prepaid blackberry and I can hopefully look and see if anything is happening on plentyoffish from anywhere, so I'm not rushing home to look at pof. Honestly, I'm sort of a weirdo since I've been single so long at such an age. Like I think prostitution should be legal in all of the US, but I will not even meet with an escort for concern that it is a police trap. Yeah, if only that was legal and I was rich, then it wouldn't matter what I said, I would just buy sex. But, since I'm not rich I don't have the stomach for spending all of my money on a plane flight and a woman for an hour anyway, especially when I know how amazing having a steady girlfriend can be when you are having sex for free
Him: 8/27 7:41 am
Subject: Intimate encounter: Maybe I would be better off focusing on the girls who want an intimate encounter to start. And then eventually I’ll just start a new persona so I won’t get blocked by the good girls.
Him: 8/30 7:51 am
Subject: How about you let me give you a massage?: First I will massage your ----- with my ----- and -----. Then move down. I will gently massage your --------- with my ----. Then I will put protection on my erect ----- and massage your ------ with my ----- while I continue to massage your ---------. Let’s call it a massage. It’s like a free trip to the spa.
Him: 8/31 10:53 am
What do you think of this situation? I was just sexually frustrated and trying to get an intimate encounter for that reason, even though a lot of those girls are probably promiscuous and I’m not all for that. So I sent this message to this young woman, and it seemed to elicit a positive response, but I have mixed feelings. Here’s what I said:
"You seem cute and sexy. We should get a cup of coffee sometime.
I really don't have much more to say. Um, don't like public sex, not trying to get in trouble. Group sex, maybe, never done it. I really am just looking for some sort of sex with a nice young woman. My erect penis is about 7 inches. Not huge, I know. I prefer lifestyles condoms."
And she said:
“Do you have a… (secret)… fetish? And I detest condoms.”
My question is this:
What should I do here?
And, if she wants and we set a time to meet, should I have unprotected sex with her if she will not let me wear a condom, given how much I want to have sex with her?
Me: no words...
